An early morning
Middle of the night start
A joyous greeting
A history lesson of all things
Off to her job
Watching her Waiting tables
Writing my slice. Finished
That perfect slice
Ugh slice gone
A word that carries so much meaning. This evening I came to realize part of what that means to me. I have moved many many times in my life. 20 times to be precise, most by choice, some not so much. Some places I developed attachments to, others it was indeed time to leave with no regrets. When I was young, a teenager, I went to see a musician, Jerry Garcia, who had a profound impact on my life His spirit and talent spoke to me. Over the years I continued to be drawn to his music and discovered many other musicians who are similar. I went tonight to see David Grisman, who first played with Jerry in 1964. The feeling I had when David came on stage and spoke about his friendship with Jerry it was then I realized- It’s not a place that is home for me. It’s that feeling I have when I hear music that speaks to my heart and soul.
I overheard a piece of conversation today where one young man asked another “what is happiness for you?” I began to think about that concept – the never ending quest for happiness. It is a common theme of self-improvement articles and books. How to find it, reach it, define it, aspire towards it and how to fake it if all else fails. I liked the question though, the way it was worded. Not what makes you happy but what is happiness.
The nuance is important. “What makes you happy?” implies the source of the happiness is external. It gives the power to outcomes, carries the weight of expectations. It is based on the if/then model. Or it could based on the acquisition of things. It seems to me to be a formula that is doomed to frequently end in disappointment.
“What is happiness to you?” implies the source is based on an internal definition, it is based on one’s own interpretation of events. Its a definition that allows for the mental re-frame of events. If happiness to me is to be in a state of peace, then I can choose to find that feeling no matter what. If happiness is to be surrounded by love, then I choose to put myself in places where that is possible. It changes the concept of happiness from a search to an state of being.
That being said, I’m sure I would be happier right now if my Spartan’s had not lost in the first round!
I have worked with many children over the years who have a motor that is never still. A brain that notices everything all at once. Some children can regulate themselves enough to thrive. I know there are times when Doctors over identify and over prescribe for a variety of issues. There are also times where the medication is truly a game changer. One of my students started on medication today. His mom called me and wanted me to check on him to make sure that he was OK she was worried about how he would adjust on his first day at school on his new medication. When I asked him how he felt, He looked at me he, his books all neatly stacked in a pile and he said For the first time in 12 years. My brain works.
So what’s happening outside of school?
who are you hanging out with?
names that I know aren’t true
Really? who else?
eyes shift around looking anywhere except at me
how is? -(a name I know he knows is not ok)
what?! how did you know? Do you know what happened?!!
of course I do, but I want to hear what you think about it
HOW do you always know?!
Little do they know, I only know for sure after they tell me
Or wait exhale inhale
In out down what happened where am I
Launch into Tree no airplane what oh wobbly wiggling touchdown
It’s the not the ability it’s the will ability
the mind is there but not there
thoughts but not Thoughts
not enough stillness inside to launch airplane
The swirling clouds outside match the swirling clouds inside