sometimes we just dont know

I practice meditation daily. That is the statement I was presented with in a daily meditation challenge I started in January. One of the things I’m learning about meditation is that it is more about noticing the thoughts rather than silencing them. Since I decided to join the Slice of Life Challenge, the thoughts I notice most frequently while I meditate are thoughts of writing. Like a cat chasing the reflection of light, my mind is chasing thoughts of what to write.
Over the past few weeks, the most frequent thoughts I have noticed in my meditation practice are related to a violent tragedy that shook our school community. As a social worker I have often consoled those in grief. Sometimes the grief is the result of heart wrenching tales of loss, sometimes minor losses or seemingly trivial shifts in friendships, relationships. Words of comfort came easily for me, but this tragedy was beyond anything I could comprehend. I found there were no words to help. I sat in silence, in sorrow, in grief with my students, colleagues and myself. The only thing that helped was to just be present with each other acknowledging each others pain. As I noticed these thoughts in meditation this is what came out today-

I don’t know how to explain

the unexplainable

I don’t know how to make sense

of the insensible

I just know how to hold love in my heart

and to allow the pain to fall out 


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9 Responses to sometimes we just dont know

  1. @Kellylou says:

    Love this — “Like a cat chasing the reflection of light, my mind is chasing thoughts of what to write.” — I often feel the same.
    Your words paint such a real picture of what it is to “hold love in” and allow “the pain to fall out.” And you are so right — sometimes just being there is more powerful than a word can be. So glad you are slicing this month. I look forward to more of your reflections.

  2. erinjohnson7 says:

    Yes sometimes all we can do is just be together…well said.

  3. True that presence is sometimes the best we can do. Love your little poem at the end, very raw and genuine words you share.

  4. Susan, letting us know what lead to that beautiful piece was so important. “and allow the pain to fall out” that ending…so impacting. I’m going to print this and keep it. I think you should share it with Andrew and the family. More than before, I’ve seen how much writing can heal…help the pain to fall out.

  5. Kim K says:

    Letting the pain fall out. Oh my. I have no words. Sometimes words just get in the way. Susan this is beautiful and painful.

  6. Lmhteach says:

    Short, to the point, poignant. Beautifully written, Susan! Driving to school is a daily reminder of the sorrow that continues. Each day I pass, I say a prayer for the family, my way of letting the pain fall out.

  7. Kate Schwarz says:

    There is so much in here–and really, I think the best part is how you end it. You can’t fix the problem, and you don’t pretend to. You just hold the grief and sadness without trying to DO too much. And, really, sometimes that’s the only thing we can do, and the best thing we can do.

    great work.

  8. ccahill2013 says:

    Writing heals. If I had spoken to no one about my grief, my writing would have carried me through. I enjoy your description of meditation. I never thought I could do it because there would be absolutely no way I could silence my thoughts! If I could actually use it to harness my thoughts….well then maybe. Welcome to slicing – glad you are here!

  9. jwhite9215 says:

    Powerful reflection. I love the line I don’t know how to make sense of the insensible.

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